Face Your Face

Hello my dears. Today, I spent four hours staring at my own face, and it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. Before you wonder how vain I really am (we can talk about that later), allow me to clarify. For my art class I had to draw a self-portrait for homework this week. Naturally, with the assignment given over a week in advance, I put it off until the last possible second because, I will admit to you, I was terrified. For one thing, I was not accustomed to staring at myself for long periods of time, and I was afraid that I would not like what I saw. And then there was the part where I actually had to draw what I saw, and draw it accurately, for a grade. What if I drew my nose too small and my teacher pointed out to everyone that my nose is much bigger than I thought?

So I put it off and put it off and put it off. I started to draw it off of a picture on Sunday but then decided that the assignment really called for a mirror, so I meticulously erased my first drawing and set to avoiding the real thing. Wednesday rolled around, the assignment of course being due on Thursday, and still I put it off all day, staying late in my last class, reading, wandering the building reading the little comic strips professors leave on their office doors, but finally I was out of time wasters and I had to sit down in front of the mirror.

I stared at me. Me stared back. I put on some music and Me began to sing along. Me was not a very good model, she wouldn't sit still and I had to change the music when I got to the lips so she would stop singing long enough so that I could draw them. Hours later I sat back and looked at the drawing, glancing up at the mirror. It was a picture of a person. Of Me. There was nothing to be afraid of.

Mirrors are a funny thing. It seems difficult to feel comfortable in front of one unless I am critiquing what I see. But to have to just see and record with no words and no judgment was such a relief. And I'm reminded of what Jesus said was the second greatest commandment (the first being to love God): to love your neighbor as yourself. Growing up hearing this, it always served as a reminder to love your neighbor, and so I always missed the second half. We are not to love our neighbor and hate ourselves, but to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. I am meant to love Me even as I love You. It's tricky sometimes to find the balance, but we have a perfect example. Let's face our faces with love.

Truly His,
Caroline